Almost at the end of the a new cycle

Yep, that's right! I started my period the day before I was supposed to test. So I moved onto this month with not knowing where I wanted to go from here. I had a month left of the shots, so I knew I would do this month. I am not sure if I want to go on. I, mean, I want to go on, but not sure if I want to keep paying out the nose every month! So I guess I will have to make the choice soon. I just started my shots for the luteal phase. I am worried that it won't happen this month either. Because I didn't ovulate on my own last month, I was given Clomid to do it this month. It seems to have worked and I got a surge on the OPK. Let's just pray that I did and that this month is it! That I don't have to make the horrible decision! Though, at this point, I don't think that it will work! I found out our neighbor is pregnant and due in July. I swear things happen in threes. So my sister-in-law, my hubby's friend, and now my neighbor! That is 3!! I will try to update the minute I start my period. For right now, I wait until June 9th (or sooner if it comes)!

Waiting Patiently (or not so Patiently) for Friday

I sit here in my rocker recliner, ready to go to bed, but dreading another day waiting! I was cramping today so I am sure that it is coming. I just wish I would start already so I, emotionally, can move on. Every little thing I feel, makes me wonder? My boobs are huge and sore again. I am really tired. I pee more than usual during the day, but have yet to have to get up in the middle of the night. My nails are hard as rocks! I know that sounds really weird, but my nails break so easily, unless I am pregnant. I have been walking around like a zombie and I am not sure if that is because the whole family has been sick or if it is because of the SLIGHT chance it may have worked this month! I just can't believe that it would work the first month on this stuff!!

I have been praying to God day and night! It is something I think about all day and night! I know that no matter what I want, it is His decision! I keep wanting to look up a due date, in case it worked! Then I hold back thinking, "You are stupid, you know it didn't work, why put yourself through that?" or "You are just jinxing yourself." Knowing full well that there is no such thing as jinxing yourself as all is in God's Hands! I have told God how cool it would be to have a baby around the same time as my Sister-In-Law and C's best girlfriend. But does that really matter in the grand scheme of things? Does God really look at that?

C and I had a discussion the other night about IVF. It came up because of a show we were watching and they mixed up embryos and placed them back int he wrong moms. I asked him what we do in that case? He didn't even want to discuss it! He thought I had made up my mind that I would never that. And in the past, I didn't think I would do that to myself and our family. But then I think how much I do want to be pregnant again. I hate that I had gotten past the thought of ever being pregnant again and was happy with our choice. Then I got pregnant (twice) and miscarried! I had overcome something that Doctors had told me would never happen again. It brought back all the feeling of having another baby! Don't get me wrong, if I can't I am happy to adopt again. I love our son so much! I couldn't love him more if I had given birth to him. I just hate that the thoughts and feelings are there again. I keep praying that if I can, I don't want it to take too long because of how hard this is.

I just have to wait for Friday! Only 3 more days! And I pray that if I am going to start, I start before then! I don't want to see another BFN! If I don't get it before then, I pray that I see a BFP! I better take my meds and head to bed! It is only 10, but I am wiped and the kids are down! C will probably want to go to sleep too! He caught the stomach flu from our son!