So after the miscarriage and dealing with that, I started to wonder if I was ovulating anymore. It sure didn't seem like it! So in August (or was it September?) I decided to start taking my temps again every morning! I don't know if this was a good idea. I did find out that my cycles have now changed from my normal 28 days, ovulating on day 14, to 32 days, ovulating on day 18 or 19. I am not sure how I feel about this. It was hard to tell for sure if I did ovulate this month because I came down with the stomach flu with a fever right at the right time! C and I were only able to try once this month because of a minor surgery I had to have the day before I ovulated.
I know I shouldn't be surprised if it didn't work this month, but I know I will be very sad. AF is supposed to be here on Tuesday and I know it will come. I have every sign that it is coming, including having diarrhea this morning. If I have severe constipation the next couple days, then I know for sure. Not sure why my body does this, but it is the same every month! My temps are still elevated, but they will drop either Sunday or Monday. I just hate that now, after finding out that I can get pregnant again, I have hope. I hated month after month of hope and then being disappointed when af showed! I am convinced it was because I was nursing G! I stopped when I found out I was pregnant, and was going to go back to it, but life happened and so it never happened. So no more nursing, and I believe no more getting pregnant! I think the nursing helped my hormones work properly, though no Dr. will agree to that!
One of my friends just found out she was pregnant and I was hoping this was the beginning of the "everything happens in 3s" situation. Well today she found out that she is miscarrying (her numbers are dropping too)! I feel soo bad for her. As I look back to the last month, this is the 3rd miscarriage that I know of. First my sister-in-law, then another friend lost a twin, and now this friend. So things DO happen in 3s! But it dashes the tiny bit of hope that I was hanging on to! I guess this is God showing me early not to get my hopes up!
I guess I will chart for a couple more months just to make sure that I am ovulating. I will probably post all my sadness on here. This is why I decided to start another blog! I need somewhere to vent and cry and get out my feelings! I don't know why I am soo upset about not getting pregnant! I was so happy and content to know I couldn't have anymore, but then the hope was given again! I still get very sad knowing there is hope, but for some reason it isn't working!
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